Tuesday

superstar snapshots November 2009

on sunday night, princess pea had an accident.
not a bathroom accident, it was a bit more serious.
but not exactly a hospital emergency either.
after struggling just a little bit to get her into her pajamas, i think i either accidentally scratched princess pea, or i accidentally pulled her hair.
she let out a scream. kind of a tantrum scream, but not exactly. but then she started to THROW a fit. she turned herself around on her bed and threw her face down on the headboard of her bed.
i didn't realize what exactly happened because i walked into the hall to put some dirty clothes in the pile and then came back. i knew it was bad when she wasn't moving or screaming or anything but her face was buried in her pillow.
then, princess pea started SCREAMING!
she had landed right on her nose. she couldn't calm down at all. even after she got her pig and soothie.
after that, i noticed the blood.
"CHRIS! i need a tissue. hurry?"
it wasn't gushing out, but a bloody nose no matter what the reason. and all because she was throwing a fit! oh, how i wanted to lecture her. but at the same time, i wanted to cry and hug her and never let her go! the emotions a mother goes through! and a pregnant mother at that!
wordgirl was so cute because she wanted to help so badly, but she wouldn't give us any space. she brought a tissue to us to show us how to dab at princess pea's nose.
finally, i told her the best way for her to help would be to stay in her room for a little bit. and she did. she's such a tenderheart.
princess pea is now doing fine. well, as fine as you can with a puffy nose.
poor little thing.


about dash, see, i told you he's fast! so fast that he's blurry! (or that could be his inept mother trying to get a cute picture!) his room got a makeover and i will show you pictures soon, but let me just say that chicken has now been added to his repetroire of words. it's pretty cute.
he also likes to smacks his lips and then give you something to "eat" and wants YOU to smack your lips, pretending to eat it.


wordgirl has the sweetest heart ever! in passing i was telling her about the major, scary surgery that stellan (mckmama's son) would be experiencing. and that God was in control and we had to pray for stellan and trust God. i was putting some things away and she was just kind of hanging out behind me. it was kind of just in passing. after a few minutes, i heard sniffles and turned to see wordgirl seriously crying!
"what's wrong, sweetie?"
"stellan! he's going to have a really big surgery! it's scary!"
more tears!
wordgirl has never met stellan!
if she were a carebear, her name would have to be tenderheart!

Monday

meet....

princess pea, dash, and wordgirl
i decided to go with non-comic book superheroes. for some of you who know my kids, it may not make ANY sense, but let me explain to everyone.
princess pea: i call her sweet pea all the time or sweetie pea. and the show super why (on pbs) actually has a super reader whose name is princess pea.
dash: he's fast. just the other day, he wasn't paying any attention to where he was going and he had a translucent piece of plastic in front of his face and he ran RIGHT into a chair and bonked his nose pretty hard. as sad as it was that he hurt his nose, it was even funnier that he ran into the chair! (you know dash is from the incredibles! and thanks dana for the help on his name.)
wordgirl: if you know her, you would know why! word UP! she is NEVER at a loss for words. she can talk to anyone anytime anywhere about anything! (wordgirl is another pbs superhero).
these 3 funny ones are my animated superstars!

Sunday

humbled

one day we will worship Him.
one day we will either flee in horror and dread or we will stand in awe of His amazing presence.
today we worship. whether we worship the true creator of heaven and earth or we worship something else like ourselves or another person, we still worship. something is the center of our own personal universe. that which is is what we worship.
however, a day WILL come, when we cannot deny (no matter who we are) the one true God.
whether we humble ourselves NOW or we wait for God to humble us.
isaiah 2:17 says "the arrogance of man will be brought low and the pride of man humbled, the Lord alone will be exalted in that day."
ahh! scary. i am fearful of many things. the picture of this all powerful being pressing down freaks me out!
however, if we humble ourselves, we will live in peace. isaiah 2:5 "come, o house of jacob, let us walk in the light of the Lord."
can't you just feel the serenity in that statement?
lately, i have been asking God to humble me. i tend to think that i am God's gift to ...well...God.
i think in my head, "of COURSE, he saved me! of COURSE, i'm his child. i know i do somethings wrong, but i'm not THAT bad. of COURSE, he needs to use me."
how many of you think that? maybe not intentionally, but as a fleeting thought.
and i have been recognizing that i am doing this a LOT!
so at work on thursday, i finally realized that he was humbling me. at i was in charge of cleaning the kitchen and basically put everything away before the last remaining few had eaten. and i was called out on it. i FELT like they were going on and on and on, (they weren't) so i bit their heads off for accusing me of being insensitive. it took a moment (maybe like 5), but i realized what had happened (after i was all cranky at my supervisor and pouty). so i sent emails to the 2 co-workers who i had yelled at apologizing for being so defensive.
i should have gone to them in person. i hope next time i do. i hid behind my email (i did admit i was doing that, though). so i was not completely humbled.
but anyway, the POINT of my little story is that i asked for humbleness and i got it. God WANTS to be worshipped by us and if we ask Him to help us to do that (be it humbleness, kindness, patience, time, love for HIm), He will. He will help us to walk in the light of the Lord so that we won't flee in terror when the day comes when the Lord alone will be exalted.
since we already will be exalting Him, we will be at peace.
and we will have nothing to fear.

Saturday

weekend thoughts: i am not her

Weekend Thought Buttonit's saturday which means, we get to join crystal at life at the circus for a little reflection time about more than just crayons on the wall and laundry on the couch.

all my life, i have always wanted to be someone else. i never thought about it like that until right now. in the past, i would have said that i wanted to be JUST LIKE someone. but now thinking about it, i really wanted to be exactly who they were. in high school, i wanted to be just like jen, who was the intern. honestly, i think she is the best intern in youth ministry i have EVER met (and i was a youth ministry major so i was SURROUNDED by them!)
in college, i wanted to be like jenny, my employer (i was their nanny). she was so comfortable in who she was and didn't make ANY excuses about how she lived her life. she was talented and interesting and kind and loved her kids. i wanted to be just LIKE her.
as i have been an adult now for a while, i find myself wanting to be like many other people; ladies at church, neighbors, some co-workers. now, i recognize it and can be more comfortable in my own skin (maybe not my house, but most definitely, my skin).
at least, that is, until recently.
we are starting to learn about thanksgiving in preschool at our house so i thought that this week, we would work on thanking people who have done some kind things for us. our neighbors gave us a bike for the kids when they get older and the curries have given us multiple meals.
i decided that we needed to bake cookies.
i wanted to bake amanda's cookies (from i am mommy).
why? because i am a glutton for punishment.
we donned our bakewear and got ready.

d-man sat down to enjoy his book and we were set.

now, amanda makes these AWESOME cookies. they LOOK like candy. they are BEAUTIFUL! seriously, go check her blog out. on her new blog (i am baker), she listed her cookie recipe. so i was soooooooooooo excited! i followed her recipe to the T including having chris pick me up a flour sifter because i didn't own one. my mantra however was, "i'm not amanda."

they didn't start out too badly.

the frosting was another story. "i am not amanda."

then, the lettering. "i am not amanda."


i have since decided that if i am going to practice and make more of these cookies (which i am. i may not give them away, but i AM going to make more), i need to get a pastry bag and tips. bright purple frosting coming out of the TOP of your baggie is not fun when it needs to come out of the tip at the BOTTOM! and i need to practice my letters.

however, i MUST say they were so tasty. oh, they were good! it was super hard to give them away. well, not really, but i wasn't too embarrassed to share them. i just didn't really want people to look at them.

and then i thought once again, "i am NOT amanda. these are fine! unless they know amanda, there is no reason to be embarrassed."

so i proudly gave them away.

kind of.

Friday

friday's fave five: hobbies with my hubby

okay, here we go. it's been awhile, but here are my top 5 things to do with chris either before or after having kids.....

1. road trips: when we were dating, we would road trip to his parent's house or my parent's house (yes, they were short road trips, but we didn't want to have to worry about overnight arrangements as we were trying to stay pure). now, i still love to road trip with him. preferrably without the kids, but if it's a short enough road trip, traveling the kids can still be fun.
2. eating out: it is tough to budget this in, but cooking is so NOT fun for me. i don't mind baking, but i would rather not cook or think about food. so eating out is one of my most favorite things to do. i love when chris cooks for me, too, but if we had endless funds, i think we would be eating out a lot! (maybe)
3. i know this is crazy! but playing video games. now! i hated video games growing up. i am NO good at mario brothers. i think it's the timing of the actual program that i can't seem to figure out. BUT now that we have a nintendo wii AND a wii fit, i love to play games with him. we just got wii fit plus this week and have had so much fun with each other and the kids playing!
4. watching movies: there is something so cozy about watching a movie together. we don't watch many chic flicks together (so i really have to find a friend and time to be able to do that), but we watch some really good movies together. (not as often as we would like because by the time we get the kids to bed, we are about ready to fall over exhausted ourselves) i think the last one we watched was slumdog millionaire. most people would think, "that's not romantic!" and no it wasn't, but that's not the point. the point was that we enjoyed feeling all those emotions together. the emotions themselves were not exactly enjoyable, but going through it together was.
5. playing with the kids together. i mean really really playing with the kids. like we are both down on the floor tickling and giggling and attacking everyone. and everyone is having a blast! and your heart is beaming from ear to ear (if hearts had ears)

join susanne in her blog carnival friday's fave five. it's great!

Thursday

my kids: a new look

i think i have come to the decision that i need to give my kids pseudonyms.


kind of to protect them.
but mostly for the fun!
i am so so excited. i love love to be creative like this.
at first i thought i should change my blog's name to the fantastic four since we will have 4 kids in 20 weeks. and then i would use super hero names.
but then, i asked my oldest what she would want her name to be and she said, "ariel."


great.


i can see this going well and her changing it next year when she wants to be jasmine.


no, asking them is not going to work.
so i'm asking YOU.
i have individual ideas for each child, but what do YOU think? any ideas?
each of their pictures are here for your inspiration and don't think you have to worry about our Fourdatzky! we'll see what happens with the first 3!







Wednesday

wordful wednesday:one last look at halloween fun

the process of getting these beauties carved.
the girls decided what they would look like.

the singer, the smiler, the sleeper


daddy making the first cut!
what do you think? do you think they smelled good? come on, girls, it's not like they are rotten!

dig in!
eww!!!
oh, the joys of fall! now with thanksgiving around the corner, it only gets colder--did i say that? i meant better!
join angie at seven clown circus for her picture carnival!

Tuesday

blog hop: favorite photos

here are some of my favorite pictures of this fall. chris asked me if i had looked at any of them and i got all defensive, "why? are they bad?"



"no! some of them are AWESOME!"

how much cozier than sitting in a pile of leaves?


in a word: beautiful

leaf joy. look at their faces! how cool is that?


MckLinky Blog Hop



Monday

halloween highs and lows

for every down, there must be an up. for every low, there is a high. for every action, there is a reaction. take for instance, the kordatzky halloween of 2009.

down: daddy had to work all day until 2:30 which meant he came home around 3:00.

high: we got some cute pictures of the kids in their halloween shirts that daddy bought them.



low: our church held a harvest festival to which we were late and then only got to trick or treat at 4 doors instead of 20 doors.

high: since we were so late, we didn't have to spend so much time at the carnival part. i HATE the chaos of the carnival. but look how cute our little man is! he just butted in line and tried to spin the wheel himself.



low: the girls' favorite neighbor wasn't out to trick or treat, this nasty old grandpa was dressed as a scary grim reaper and TRIED to scare my girls (i'm still angry about the JERK!), a little ankle-biter dog nipped maya's leg and pretty dress and SCAREd her to death. but she did okay. she cried some tears and tried to get past it. it was freezing cold and maya was shivering so much! (she had to stop back at our house and warm up!)

high: the girls got to trick or treat for real for the first time. there were some really nice neighbors that we got to meet. one of our neighbors wasn't there when we stopped by his house, so he came to OUR house later and basically gave us an entire bag of candy (he was pretty drunk, but it was still sweet). the girls got to wear their costumes all night even if it was in the basement to watch a movie.




high: chipotle was giving away FREE burritos if you dressed like one. i dressed up like one. (can't you tell). i drove to chipotle to buy a burrito for chris and get a burrito for myself for me.

low: i came home with 2 supreme burritos and 2 black jack tacos from taco bell (one of which was free). then, i realized that chris didn't like supreme burritos. so chris got the tacos and i got the burritos. you see the line at chipotle would have been at least an hour if not 2 hours long. if i was waiting in line WITH someone, i totally would have done it. it would have been super fun, but i was NOT going to stand out in the cold by myself and miss putting the kids to bed just for a free burrito.
so THAT was our halloween. how was yours?

Sunday

gotta check this out!

if you want to see our superman in action, check out chris's post.
seriously!
that is a hyperlink, so if you don't mind, check him out, and leave a comment!

defender


image provided by http://oneyearbibleimages.com/isaiah43_2.jpg

isaiah. who usually chooses to study isaiah? a pastor, a theologian, a scholar?
me? i am NONE of those things, but i decided i needed to challenge myself. So for the next 66 weeks or so, i am going to be working my way through isaiah.
i'm really not sure why i chose isaiah. well, i guess that's not true. i chose isaiah because i was doing a read through the bible in one year program by Gordy Addington called Discovering the Bible and i got stuck and decided not to kill myself. i stopped at isaiah and started reading through it.
then, i realized that i was getting NOTHING from it (and i was in chapter 46 or something), so i decided to start over and start taking notes.
this has been VERY HELPFUL!
i'm actually thinking about it throughout my day.
okay, so here i go.
isaiah 1
one of the main things that struck me in isaiah 1 is that twice YHWH mentions defending the fatherless and the widows.
in isaiah 1:17 he mentions that to show their love, the nation of israel should be defending the case of the fatherless and the cause of the widows. and then in isaiah 1:23 YHWH states that the nation is NOT defending them.
wow! the fatherless and the widows are very important to God!
i think they are more important than anyone realizes.
except my friends, n and m.
n and m have laid their lives down for the fatherless.
they have many children and all their children have been adopted from colombia.
the first 2 were adopted as infants and have transitioned quite easily into their family. (you know the regular "oh, my goodness! we have a baby to keep alive!" kind of transition)
the older kids were adopted just under a year ago and have turned ALL of their lives upside down, inside out, and overbackwards! all at the same time. tearing their hearts out and causing them so much sadness.
yet even in their distress and crying out to the Lord, they are not turning back. they are moving, they don't always know which way, but moving in trust of the Lord to provide the next step and to provide the strength for the next step.
they are an inspiration to me: to pray, to be in the word, to sleep, to accept my inadequacies and trust God, to embrace this 4th baby, to keep moving and allow the Lord to work, to be still to let Him heal my heart, to be real, to cry, to find joy in the midst of pain.
all of it.
YHWH didn't say that defending the fatherless would be easy, but he DID say that we show HIM obedience when we do.
and in the long run (even though the run is horribly uphill for years), what i want to hear him say is, "well done, good and faithful servant." and n and m WILL hear that! i am convinced!

Saturday

family halloween strategies


okay. so what better way to combat the evils of halloween then by watching an easter movie, reading a christmas story, and listening to christmas music at naptime? and NONE of it was MY idea!

i'm not one who is all incredibly AGAINST halloween, but the scary evil things?they have no place in my house!

as i have told my kids over and over, "Jesus told us to think of what is lovely and right and true." if it's not lovely: out! if it's not right: out! if it's not true: out!

ESPECIALLY for my kids! (and truthfully for me, too. i get freaked out by all the scary stuff and can't sleep either)


and if that doesn't work, just hug your sister to death!

join crystal at life at the circus for more weekend thoughts.

Weekend Thought Button

Friday

what's the point?


what is the point of my blog?

is it a journal into which i can pour my heart?

is it a place to document my kids' rapidly changing lives?

is it a place for me to make friends?

is it a place for me to think through ideas?

is it a place for me to practice writing?


i don't know.

do i want to focus on a themed blog like my friend, amanda, who is not COMPLETELY about baking and cooking, but you can expect it to come up at least once a week?

do i want to be like my friend jenny, and really go into the soulful meaning of things whether it be about children showing us who we are or how i honor God with my money, etc.?

do i want to blog everyday? (yes!)

do i want to open up about everything? (yes, but i shouldn't)

do i want to have lots of followers? (yes, ashamedly, i would LOVE to have a big following--because then i would feel important. and THAT my friends is exactly why i SHOULDN"T have a lot of followers)


my life is not crazy busy/or full of lots of scary twists and turns like mckmama's.

my life is about getting by with what i've been given, enjoying what i've been given, realizing the world is NOT all about me and my family/life, and trying to be a bold lover of Jesus.

bold LOVER of Jesus.


how?

by being completely sold out.

by talking to HIm all the time.

by talking ABOUT HIm all the time.

by teaching my kids from HIs word and memorizing the word myself.
by being obedient and choosing to defend the fatherless and widows (isaiah 1).
we'll see what i decide. i'm not sure myself. but i think it's time for me to make a decision. maybe.

Wednesday

halloween sneak peak 2009

i'm not one who is really into halloween, but i do like dressing the kids up. i am so so blessed to have a mom who loves the challenge of designing what the kids ask for. i KNOW i take her for granted. but whether i take her for granted or not, you can't help but love these princesses.

maya is very specific of what she wants:
last year it was, "i want to be a pink cinderella."
this year it was, "i want to be ariel only MODEST." (now THAT'S a challenge)

brin's request was "i want to be snow white!"

i don't have a picture of our superman, so stay tuned!

playing/laying around

i've been a bit preoccupied lately. i have NO idea why! *wink wink*

my house is a mess,

my pictures are crooked,

but in the end, it's all worth it!

Sunday

makes me smile

conversation in the van on the way home from church

"ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O
and on this farm he had a cow. E-I-E-I-O
with a moo moo here
and a moo moo there
everywhere everywhere
ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O
mom, what's your favorite animal?"
"a bird"
"okay den. ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O
and on this farm he had a bird. E-I-E-I-O
with a tweet tweet here
and a tweet twwet there
everywhere everywhere
ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O"
(and yes, she is missing a beat, but seriously, how CUTE!"
"maya, what's YOUR favorite animal?"
"um, a butterfly!"
"okay den. ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O
and on this farm he had a butterfly. E-I-E-I-O
with a fly fly here
and a fly fly there
everywhere everywhere
ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O"
"brin, can i sing?"
"no"
"aauuuggghhh" heavy sigh
"what's YOUR favorite animal?"
"brinbrin? let's pick dane's favorite animal." (this would be me as mom)
"okay, i know! a ladybug!"
"brin, can i sing?"
"no. ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O
and on this farm he had a ladybug. E-I-E-I-O
with a bug bug here
and a bug bug there
everywhere everywhere
ol' mcdonnell had a farm. E-I-E-I-O"
"aaauuuugggghhhh!" heavy sigh, heavy sigh, heavy sigh
when she was done with the song "okay, now we can sing TOGETHER!"
"i don't WANT to sing together."
etc etc etc

Saturday

chicken fight

photo courtesy of http://img.timeinc.net/time/i/podcast_politics_feed.jpg
i don't read the newspaper much. we get the thursday-sunday paper for the coupons on sunday.
however, today, i was eating my cookies and milk (yes, i may be 32, but that is still one of my indulgences!), and paging through the paper. i came across an article about our governor tim pawlenty. i am not trying to say that i agree with everything he has decided, i don't even know exactly WHAT he has decided about some things for our state.
but about the government run health plan, he has some things to say that make you think. he may be choosing to opt our state (lovely state that it is, mn) out of the federal plan they are trying to propose if it comes up.
his attempt to opt out of this is not being met with open arms. did you think it would be? but one of his opponents is making immature statements like, "it's the Republican way to just say no to any idea." (paraphrased, but not by much)
seriously? can't you come up with something a little bit more mature?
it's like a little kid saying, "they all get to do it but me! it's not FAAAAAIIIIIRRRRR!" when does a generalized statement about something ever come across as something that is true? in school for true and false statements on tests, you are taught that usually when something is labeled as "always", it's false.
and isn't that the nature of these 2 parties? history (as least recent history) has proven that they rarely agree on any policy whether it be war or taxes or safety or what have you.
also, this opponent stated that since tim pawlenty is looking to possibly run for president, he isn't caring about the state of mn but of other states like misssissippi or others.
okay, yes, he may be running for president, and if he is planning on it, i am not saying that what he says may impact what he is known for in the future. but even so, don't you think that barak obama did that? and still he cared about his state and was helping to make decisions for illinois.
this is crazy. NO ONE would say that president obama cared more about california than illinois when he was still a senator gearing up to run for president.
and i am not saying the other side is faultless. FAR from it!
why can't politicians be more mature?
i know, i know. it's the fallen nature.
but really.
it's irritating!
crystal from life at the circus hosts this meme that encourages you to think a little bit beyond your laundry and your kitchen.
Weekend Thought Button

Friday

oh be careful little ears what you hear, if they can hear!

today was the big day. today was the day that dane was scheduled for a head ct and a sedated hearing test.
doesn't he look excited?

before this picture was taken, dane had already had his ct. they told me that they were going to try it without sedation first since he only needed to be still for 5 seconds. when the nurse told me this, i agreed with her because i knew it was FUTILE to argue, but argue i did in my head and to my co-workers.
whatever!
"there is NO WAY he will lie still. they are crazy to think that. they don't know MY son. he won't lie still when i put him down at nap time or bedtime. he will NOT lay STILL lying flat on a weird machine all around him."
kids have a way of making you a liar.
not only did he lie still, but he continued to lie still even after i got in the room ! he probably could have done a 5 MINUTE ct. it's crazy.
it all happened so fast that i didn't get a picture of it. but it was so cute. picture a little boy wrapped up like a burrito with heavy weights on his legs and a major velcro strap across his chest and a small strap across his head.
he was such a trooper. he was so GOOD!
right before they did the ct, the techs asked me to step out (remember, i am pregnant! i can't be in the room!) i stepped outside the door and was in a small round hallway. the ct door was behind me and the mri door was in front of me.
there is something very disconcerting about the sound of an mri.
"rrrrrrorrrr. rrrrrr. rrrrr. rrrr0rrrrrr."
all i could keep thinking was, "i should be okay, right? i shouldn't be radiated out here, right?" ahhh. WHERE am i supposed to wait?"
i had that thought approximately 4 times and then, the tech came back and got me! and like i said, dane was fine! still lying on the table/bed patiently. oh, i forgot to mention there were star lights blinking on the ceiling again. he loves those stars!

the radiology nurse was amazed at how great he did! so i picked him up and carried him to the diagnostic treatment center while the nurse wheeled his empty bed and led us there through the brand new tunnel. we were led into our room while the rad nurse was explaining what a great patient he was!

they did his vital signs and asked me all the pre-sedation questions and most importantly, made me feel comfortable to have dane in their care. (not that i was that worried, but it was nice to feel more than comfortable with their care).

the time came for dane to get sedated. once again, he was wrapped up like a burrito. unfortunately, he had to be wrapped and unwrapped 3 times since it took 3 times for them to get an iv in. however, as they were doing this (over and over again), i told dane (as he was screaming) that it only fair since when i was in labor with him, it took them 3 times to get an iv in for me to have an intrathecal. one of the nurses laughed and said, "oh, don't say that!" i said, "oh, i'm just saying it's only fair." another nurse laughed and said, "so payback." oh yes. however, when they took the 2nd needle out and his blood was gushing out onto his hand, i was not okay with that. there's just something about your baby having blood gushing out of his body that doesn't sit well.
but 3rd time was the charm and he was all good with the iv in his foot!


they put in the propofol (yes, that IS the drug that ultimately killed michael jackson, but you see, michael jackson didn't have MY doctors giving it! and we won't go into the whole michael jackson thing. needless to say, i was NOT worried)

go, mike v., go!
dr. vespasiano was the lucky doctor who administered dane's sedation. he had told me that once the propofol is in, it's fast.
to which i thought, i'm sure it's fast. but really, how fast can it be.
oh, it's fast. it's REALLY fast!
"wahhhh! wahhh! wahhhhh!" done, eyes rolled back, lids shut!
he was out. it cracked me up!
as soon as he was out, the nurses, the doctor, and the audiologist went to work.
and i went to wait in the waiting room.
here's my little guy all ready to start his test. i'm so proud of him. he is a great patient!
we will find out all the results and recommendations next week. if there is anything life shattering, i will let you know. as of right now, it seems like it's okay. he probably just has an extremely teeny tiny ear canal.





Thursday

not going to dwell


okay, so maybe i'm a prophet.
i told you wednesdays were hard.
i was right.
i told you that i probably wouldn't follow jesus.
i was right.
i told you that one success with brin did not promise future successes with other children.
i was right.
unfortunately.
but i won't dwell on that.
i won't dwell on the fact that i started to get the girls up at 6:30 am so that maybe, just maybe, we could leave the house around 7:30. i won't dwell on the fact that they STAYED in bed until 7:30 with me doing the nagging mother thing, but not actually following through with any of my threats.
i won't dwell on the fact that brin ASKED for pigtails, but when i put them in her hair, she cried for 20 minutes because all she wanted was a braid. i won't dwell on the fact that i braided her pigtails, but that wasn't good enough. i won't dwell on the fact that after 20 minutes and a call into work that i would be late, i finally took them out and gave her a braid.
i won't dwell on the fact that maya was very passive aggressive and manipulative in making us late. i won't dwell on the fact that i TOLD her specificallyshe couldn't bring sleeping beauty to andrea's, and when i met her at the door, she was carrying sleeping beauty in her hands like it wasn't a big deal. i won't dwell on the fact that i lost it on her.
what i will dwell on is that i was so sad that they didn't obey me. i sobbed and sobbed all the way to andrea's house (okay, so it's like 3 miles, but it can still take 10 minutes), saying things like, "why can't you just OBEY me? i am not asking you to do anything that's hard. you KNOW how to get up, you know how to get dressed, you KNOW how to go potty. and now you can't eat breakfast at home and you're mad at me. and it's your own FAULT! i tried to get you up but you wouldn't listen. and maya, i TOLD you not to bring sleeping beauty and i know you heard me and yet you still tried to bring her anyway. and brin, you SAID specifically that you wanted pigtails and then freaked out on me when we put them in your hair. "
i couldn't stop crying.
we ALL cried all the way to andrea's. even dane and poor dane didn't do anything wrong and he wasn't in trouble!
yes, my kids are well behaved, but not always for me. and i know it could be worse, but it was pretty rotten to let my kids make me feel so horrible.
i got to andrea's house and walked in the door and TRIED to stop crying, but the tears just came even MORE! andrea waded her way through all the kids and wrapped her arms around me and let me cry heaving sobs. finally, my crying subsided and i was able to relax a little bit. andrea set my kids up with food and we talked for a few minutes until i felt like i was under control.
then, i got back into the van and drove to work, i pulled into the parking ramp, and started to cry again.
when i walked into work 45 minutes late and rachel asked me if everything was okay (they didn't get my message at work), i started to sob uncontrollably AGAIN. heaving sobs AGAIN.
getting 3 kids out the door early in the morning, with me being so tired and 18 weeks pregnant is NOT a good combination. even if i wasn't 18 weeks pregnant, it would still be super hard, but maybe i could control my hormones.
needless to say, starting my day out sobbing uncontrollably makes for an exhausting day.
chris and i had a talk with the girls and we are going to implement a waking up time for the girls to use and see how that goes. i told maya if she didn't get dressed in time, she would have to wear her pajamas all day. (and i am going to do this if it means going to andrea's house, to church, to a friend's house to play....i AM. i am so totally going to follow through on this! i'll let you know how it goes).
one success in all of this was that i don't feel like a complete failure as a mama. i'm just a really sad mama who needs tools. we are going to start learning danny silk's techniques. he is a pastor out in CA who has some amazing thoughts on parenting. chris and i watched pete and natalie (remember chris's cousin and his wife who have kids the exact same ages at our kids!)parent their 3 little ones and thought, "some of this is really GOOD." they lent us his dvd, and i think it's time to break it out!